But WHY??????

WHY hasn't he called? The age old question that has been asked for centuries - well as long as phones have been around. Before that, it'd have been "why hath he not called by?" ; "where for art that bastard?" or "he clubbed me over the head; said he'd call by the cave, and hasn't so much as smoke signalled me" (ok, might be mixing some eras there, but point made). Now, I was having a chat with one of my besties tonight, a lovely gorgeousness of a girl, who currently has a nack for men striping in front of her. Not a bad nack to have by any stretch of the imagination, IF she actually fancied the men in question. The men she does fancy, date her, like her (so we think) then after a few dates never call again. And we are all left with a few bottles of wine, stratching our heads, asking that one question, we never get an answer to.....WHY?

Now this is not exclusive to her. This happens to us all. Guys we meet out, who ask US for OUR number, then never use it. Guys we go on a date with, and have a really nice time with; who there and then ask us out again. To never call. (FYI - me at the mo).

I decided to try and get to the bottom of this, and for help, asked a few of my male friends....All of whom have had their share of the ladies, and left them hanging on more than one occasion I expect....

Ex Local Lothario says:
"Well, it could be bacause they either didn't enjoy the date and will say just about anything in the heat of the moment to get away, and then never call," he says on the subject of never calling....."Or they really did enjoy it and are scared that you didn't and basically don't know what to do because they've tried there best already."

But then why that they've had a good time, or suggest a date two? Or really confuse us and snog us?

"Coz every guy likes a snog, wants to feel like 'the man' coz a second date is arranged and doesn't want to commit to anything serious for at least say 12 months?"

12 months?! 12 months! Seriously us women are rarely THAT patient...But then a little confession.....

"I hate to admit it, but it really was a case of get as much as could, from wherever I could, however I could. The lies and twists and manipulation are quite horribly brilliant, but now regrettable". (In fairness to this young man, and without sounding like a bitch to my fellow females, he was a slight evil genius with the ladies at times).

"The life of a player is not for me anymore. Tooooooo many mind games fuck up eventually!As some sort of defence, it actually took quite a lot of work to pull off, so it wasn't bad intentions just mis-spent energy that should really have gone into one worthwhile positive realtionship". Ahmen to that - on this occasion, we have one Ex Local Lothario turned good, but do they all see the light in the end?

Another male friend is still in the midst of his playing days, and hence forth will be known as The International Playboy....(FYI - when asking him just now what he wanted his name to be, I said "The Player seems too easy - and boy, is he!!)

At first he was apprehensive....

"You know by the law of man.......I'm bound to secrecy on this subject and should it come out that I have divulged said information to any member of the fairer sex I would be cast adrift by my fellow man leaving me with only my own mother as a potential wing man!"

I promised this would not be the case.....and after a few hours, he opened up the can of genius that is his opinion....

"This is not a subject that men talk openly or honestly about so I can only explain why I haven't called women back in the past. Its not because I'm trying to hurt someones feelings, its not because I'm an arse, its not even because I didn't like them as I probably did. There are factors to consider here, firstly, I'm pretty sure this is genetic amongst men but...............I have the emotional maturity of a monkey, everything is a joke with me and lets face it, relationships are serious business". (Hmm, he has a point there).

"The next thing to consider is that no matter how confident a person you may be that second call can be scary and even worse awkward........you've gotta think that we go through some of the same thoughts and worries that women do except if we seem too eager we come across as creepy or desperate! The only difference between us is that we don't constantly go on to our mates how she hasn't called / when will she call? / do you think I should call? / when would you call? As the only response we would get is HOMO!" (Loving the honesty - come on, men don't DO sharing as a rule).

"Fact is, if I really liked her, we got on well and I was very attracted to her........I would call next day, stuff rules, stuff mates I would just call. And if she likes me in the same way then its not creepy, its not desperate, it's made her day.............tell me I'm wrong??" (You're not wrong, God damnit!)

So there we have it. Simples. If he likes you, he will call. "He's Just Not That Into You". Men seem to think that this is the end of the argument, but we all know it isn't. We know that saying to our mate "he's just not that into you" will lead to us turning into a 6 year old child, and simply answering "but WHY?".....pass the corksrew; get the Ben & Jerrys.....it's going to be a lonnnnnnnng night.

As for my young man, well I hope he calls, we had a nice evening, but if he choses not to, I will be an adult. I won't call him every name under the sun and make up a nickname for him. I will simply scream "NEXT" and see it as a nice evening that didn't go anywhere......Will I heck - I'll be calling him mean names, and asking my friends over wine "whats wrong with me? WHY?!" - I'm a female after all - and this Lady is like all the rest underneath. I'm sure that out there right now there is a a group of men asking the same, whilst watching Love Actually, with face packs on, drinking wine.....they just don't want us to know. (FYI - Ex Local Lothario and The International Playboy did actually confirm this happens. They both opening admit to having said nights, and crying over lost loves, whilst working their tea zones...who'd have thought it boys?).