Thank You Mr Cupid, But No Deal

A few days ago, I read an extremely disturbing article written by an American, forty something journalist, on the subject of settling. She had just had her first and only child via insemination, and wrote what came across as a heart felt article, on how if she had known what she knew then, when she was thirty, she would have settled. One of the boyfriends she had dumped ten years previously, she would have, in hindsight marched up the aisle, as they may not have been "Mr Right" but they were the basis (in her eyes) for long term happiness. I'm not going to lie to you, it maybe my naivety, as I am thankfully ten years this woman's junior, but this article made me so incredibly mad! For God sake, us single women don't have much to cling onto at times, but the universal hope that there IS a Mr Right out there, is one thing that keeps my heart warm at night, whilst the fluffy bed socks and fleecy dressing gown look after the rest.

The article got me thinking - will I be looking back in ten years time, asking "WHY??? Why didn't I give him a second chance?". Often my friends claim I am too fussy, but I see it as a search for perfection. Sure, I will be willing to compromise on some factors, that's natural, I really don't expect even Gerard Butler to be perfect, but settle for no chemistry, fizz and wow? No, no, no!

I remember a stupid bint that I used to work with during my second turn at recruitment. She was an irritating, overweight (I'm not a skinny malinky, but when you have issues getting in and out of a swivel office chair, you have a problem)and a loud mouth, with what seemed to be way too much time on her hands, and a lack of talent in recruitment. I got the honour (?) of being placed next to said bint for a while, and didn't I know it. At this point I was single, and rejecting a host of men on a daily lunchtime basis via the Internet. I forgot to mention that some how, the bint had managed to find herself a Mr Bint - I really couldn't tell you how - black mail maybe? No children suggested that the fact she claimed she had quadrupled in weight since that day they walked down the aisle, is an indication the bedrooms were separate. (I'd also like to point out, that if my memory serves me correct, she was an early placement of my then Director, and in a thank you card, sent a piece of her hair, or a nail - it was psychotic and crazy either way). Anyway, I digress. Settling. One day, she actually told me, she had settled, and it was the best thing I could do....she then printed me off the words to a song, which were apparently her inspiration into choosing to settle rather than wait for Mr right. After I had rammed the words down her throat (in my head only), I counted to ten, five times, and smoked about 5 cigarettes, until I could bring myself to sit next to her again. "This lady will never settle", I told myself," I've been through too much already to take the silver meddle". When I looked at this annoying excuse for a woman, I didn't see my future, I saw a divorce waiting to happen.

OK, so that was three years ago, and a million awful dates later, I am still out there, living the single dream (nightmare on occasion). But what if I had have settled? Where would I be now? I have been proposed to a ridiculous four times.....where would I be if I had said OK, and not run the other direction?

Settlement One:
Mr Dull. I'd be living in the arse end middle of nowhere, overweight (I lived on Pizza Hut during our three year relationship). He's still a chef and therefore never home, hence why I lived on takeaway during our time together. We didn't talk or go out, so I assume that'd still be the case. I was also informed he's had an op to ensure he never has kids, so I'd have a lot of pets to make up for the lack of kids. But considering we never actually shared a bed other than to sleep, he would've been able to safely save the money he spent on the op. We'd still be fighting over the fact he considered the microwave a suitable place to dry his socks, and that I had an awful lot of headaches, and too mnay shoes. So far, I'm over the moon I didn't settle....

Settlement Two:
The Welsh Wanker. So we were together for about 2 and a half years. He had a really big mole (and hence got the nickname Moley Moley Moley from my friends), and in hindsight, resembled Niles from Frasier. I was in a bad place when we got together, and I was actually settling for him as a boyfriend. What would have happened if I had settled for him as a husband? Well, as he was evil to the core (those that know him would not argue this point), I'd be clinically depressed, living in Wales, with kids with the surname LLwellyn (his Mum's maiden name that he claimed was more Welsh than his surname and therefore was to be our childrens name). I'd have to endure the horrificness of his family every Sunday, at least, as they paid for half his flat until I had the cash to buy them out. (I'd like to point out, I never agreed to this, he assumed I would want to move in and therefore made the decision on my behalf). They also lived about just round the corner. I'd have no friends, as they all hated him, and I'd be doing a job he deemed lesser than his, as being more successful than him was paramount to treason in his eyes. Drying socks in the microwave looks appealing....

Settlement Three:
Big Nose Twat Monkey.....now he dumped me, and although extremely upset at the time, looking back, I can see I would've broken it off in the long run. Had we worked and still be together? I'd probably have an STD as this man cannot keep his little soldier in his pants. I'd be bankrupt because he earned no money whatsoever, and therefore I always had to pay. I'd have a shit job, as I'd have to work near to him, and that'd mean out of London. He'd have probably tried to sleep with half, if not all, of my friends, and maybe given chlamydia to a few of the ones who aren't so loyal. Seriously, is this how I'd want my life to be??

So looking back, had I settled, I'd be extremely unhappy. This forty-something, sperm- donor - loving Yank can keep her opinions that side of the pond. So what if Carrie had to wait ten years for her Mr Big? She'd never have been happy with Aidan. And yes, Ross and Rachel did break up and make up a million times, but they lived happily ever after in the end. And so will we all, if we believe; have hope; and worship at the altar of faith and romance. Never settle people, it may give you a sense of security to have a man keep you warm at night, but a fleecy dressing gown does the trick nicely, and won't use the microwave to dry socks. No, settling is for loosers, and I am one Lady who will not loose in the game of love.