Mind Over Matter?

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday Lady Danger, happy birthday to me.Yep, a year has gone, and this Lady is still very much without her Lord. A year of blogging, a year of mischief, and I'm still here. It's a tragic state, but even after another year of no plus one at weddings; no one to warm me up on those lonely nights; and another Christmas of wanting to kill Mariah Carey for ever releasing THAT song, I remain positive. Why I hear you ask? You are obviously pretty shite at this dating game, why not give up and accept the fact that you will be that crazy cat lady who wears every piece of clothes she owns at once, and cracks on to the postman in a way reminiscent of Blanche Du Bois? Well, because I believe that mind over matter will see me through 2011 with good stead....I have a plan....And the Cosmos is hopefully going to help...

Firstly, mind over matter...The theory that through positive thinking, we can achieve anything, whether it be walking on hot coals, without feeling pain, or watching the X Factor without wanting to punch Louis Walsh (I've so far found it impossible - one more year of "you look like a pop star, you sound like a pop star, you could be a pop star" and I may drive to the studio and do him in), the mind is an amazing thing. As to is the Cosmos (spelt with a big C as I feel it deserves respect). So with this in mind, I've decided that through a positive mental attitude; a bit of meditation to focus the mind; and a bit of help from the lovely Cosmos, I will meet my Mr Right, and not just my Mr Right Now (or Mr Five Minutes as has been the case in the last year).

A rather foxy, lovely friend of mine, suggested a mood board - a collage of what I am looking for in a man. She said that concentrating on it, focusing, and asking the Cosmos for help, with an end point in mind (IE when I want Lord Danger to appear by).This will help the Cosmos know what I am looking for, and give me something to focus on, whilst not obsessing. Lady Danger loves a bit of arts and crafts - I'm a slightly arty person when I want to be, so I jumped at the chance to roll out the prit stick and magazine cuttings.

I was told to put down words describing the attributes I was looking for, and apparently a picture of Gerard Butler alone would not suffice. (And I'd confuse matters, and the Cosmos, if I added a picture of David Tenant as Dr Who. I think the concern was that I'd end up with a Scotsman, who pretends to be a Dr, whilst wearing slightly dubious clothes, and living in a vintage police box). So here is my Dear Cosmos list...if you could all concentrate on this for me as well, it'd help...

1)Tough. We're not talking Arnie here, but I would prefer a man with a bit of rough and tumble about him. Someone who can fix my fridge, and won't turn into a nutter after a few pints. More Lord Arthur than Lord Martha (standard) - I am not a metro sexual fan.

2)Confident. There is nothing more sexy dear Cosmos, than a man who isn't afraid to talk to anyone, and stand up to my rabble of mates. They are quite scary. Banter and balls are required. And like me, Mummy Danger hates a shrinking violet, especially in a potential suitor for her daughter. She also dislikes tattoos and the Welsh.

3)Well read. Not to the level that they can quote lines from War & Peace, but a little bit more of a reading history than Playboy, Beano and Viz would be good.

4)Patient. Do I need to explain?! It's me after all. Enough said.

5)Sparkling, amazing eyes. Preferably his own. Not to the point he looks deformed or has to wear glasses like the guy in The X Men. But cheeky eyes are a huge plus.

6)Family man. A man who doesn't want to knock me up right away, but one that won't run a mile if I maybe want to create mini dangers one day. And Cosmos, don't be funny....I do not want to hook up with that man from Newcastle that keeps knocking up women....Especially as I have heard he had started living in a vintage police box.

7) Pretty stylish. No Reebok Classics. No footie shirts. But no male Vivienne Westwood either - that's for me to wear, not you. It looks wrong on the straight.

8)Adventurous. Willing to whisk me someone exciting for the weekend, not to the extent of buggering off to Africa to go potholing with no phone for 6 months. (I'm not sure you can pot hole in Africa....But you get the point).

9)Tall. I'm small. We need to average out the kids. And we know I am height-est.

10)Sexy bum. Grabbable please.

11)Caring. Not to the extent he will piss me off and be ridiculously pampering, as that'd annoy me more than Louis Walsh, but we all want someone to care.

12)No ordinary fella. Not a freak show, but someone you feel has added value to your life just by knowing them.

13)Active. Cosmos, I think Mr Motivator is a Lycra wearing crack pot, but no one wants a boring lardy arse! Plus I will need someone who can run quickly when I am legging it out of the X Factor studio after smacking the Walsh around the chops.

14) High IQ - I love a debate, especially one after a few cheeky drinkies. If they know enough about things without me wanting to add them to my list of know it alls, then horrah. I would however like to start winning a few more pub quizzes.

15) Truth. The ability to tell it, when it counts. For example - not total truth - "do you mind that I've put on a few pounds?", "yep - you look horrible". But lets be honest, and respectful please Cosmos!

And finally, the most important thing above all is love. You give love, and hopefully the karmic workings of the universe will return it. So with that in mind dear reader, may I wish you a marvelous new year, and wish you a lot of love and happiness for the year ahead. If you can all put in a sneaky, good word with the Cosmos, that's a lot of positive vibes coming my way as well!

PS: Positive thoughts are also being sent to Louis. May you find a new job in 2011 that involves potholing in Africa, and not sat next to Danni.